I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
