I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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