Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
