Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
