I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
