And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
