i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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