i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
