I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
