your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
