While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
