We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
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Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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