I met the friendliest cop last night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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