This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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