im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
