So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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