I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
