Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
