Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
