my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption