Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident