mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry