the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
