Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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