The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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