Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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