Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
