For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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