You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
BRING THE BAGELS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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