i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
