It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize