You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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