and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We have started to decorate penises.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
