you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
