were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
