i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
