i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
