it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
