could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
