I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What drink are we having for lunch?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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