awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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