There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
