I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
