I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
