whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
