Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
