Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
