I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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