i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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