my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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