Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
