i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
