I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
