You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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