this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
