i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
