Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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