38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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