he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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