The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
