Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
