if you like me you must not know who I am
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
