I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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