In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
