I could make wine with my vomit
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
