She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
