After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
