It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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