dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
