is your mom at the bar?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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