He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
