he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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