I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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