fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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