If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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