you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
