I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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