dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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