that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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